


i'm feeling rough i'm feeling raw

by CivilBores



Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Also kind of, Angst, Anxiety, Coping, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hurt Peter, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, between tony and peter, disregarding the whole may "what the fuck" line at the end, homecoming spoilers, kind of, like definitely implied, maybe? - Freeform, takes place a few months after homecoming, talking it out, title from "time to pretend", tonys a dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 18:22:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11469114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CivilBores/pseuds/CivilBores
Summary: “I don’t want to talk,” Peter repeats with a hiccup.Because talking about it brings him back.—When Peter goes out on a mission with Tony, a building threatens to collapse on him. Things go about as well as you'd expect.





	i'm feeling rough i'm feeling raw

**Author's Note:**

> HEY guess who's back into spider-man  
> after mysteriously deleting all my previous avengers works #noregrets  
> anywayyyy uh after watching homecoming there's that //one scene// i think we all recognized as the heartbreaker and i knew i had to write this! so here, enjoy!!

Peter never thought this day would come.

 

 

But now, here he is, standing alongside Iron Man in his first real team fight (aside from the airport, of course. Peter doesn’t really count that, considering the Avengers were all fighting against each other and not with each other.)

 

 

This- this is more like it. This is Peter’s ideal kind of fight. The two of them against a bunch of rogue aliens that are so going to get their asses kicked.

 

 

“There’s so many of them!” Peter exclaims giddily as he hops down onto a rooftop beside Tony.

 

 

“You make it sound like that’s a good thing,” Tony remarks.

 

 

“Oh, right. I meant, oh no, there’s so many of them.”

 

 

“Never mind, I liked the first one better.” Tony activates his jets and hovers a few feet off the ground. “Ready, Spider-Man?”

 

 

Peter can’t help the childish excitement that fills him at being called his superhero title. He suppresses a smile under his mask. “Of course.”

 

 

“Your heart rate has increased notably,” Karen says in Peter’s ear. “Your adrenaline level is considerably high.” Peter’s face heats up.

 

 

“Sh!” Peter whispers at her. “I gotta impress Mr. Stark, okay?”

 

 

“Is being excited not impressive?”

 

 

“I dunno, it’s just- it’s not particularly cool, y’know?”

 

 

Tony doesn’t give any warnings, any directions. He flies straight towards the fray. Peter’s heart thumps- that’s one of the things that’s so thrilling about fighting with Iron Man. He acts purely on instinct.

 

 

Peter shoots a web at a rooftop and swings down from the building with a cheerful shout. He lets his legs fly out and kicks down a couple of aliens along the way before landing at the scene.

 

 

“What are they _doing_?” Peter asks.

 

 

The aliens are all scattered around a tall building, holding weapons that are much larger than Peter’s entire body. Peter can’t help but think of the Vulture and his weaponry- this is definitely a step up.

 

 

“I’m not sure,” Iron Man says as he blasts an alien, “but I think they’re trying to take down the building for some reason. There must be something they want inside.”

 

 

“No way, like an Infinity Stone or something?”

 

 

Tony makes a “pfft” sound. “What the hell? Of course not. More like some kind of battery or something for their weapons.”

 

 

Peter flicks out his wrist and webs an alien to a nearby wall. There’s a distant ringing in his head, and he turns and kicks an alien hard.

 

 

“What kind of building has an alien battery?”

 

 

“Okay, first of all, I’m talking in hypotheticals. Secondly, they don’t want anything alien, or else they wouldn’t have come _here_.”

 

 

“Why do they have to take down the entire building just to-”

 

 

“I don’t know, to terrorize people!” Iron Man says exasperatedly. “God, Peter, you ask so many questions. How about you just zip it for a while?”

 

 

“Sorry, Mr. Stark.”

 

 

Peter webs a couple more aliens up and glances back towards the building, where people are still screaming and rushing out of the exits. The aliens are sawing away at the sides of the structure.

 

 

“I’m gonna help them,” he says. “We need to make sure everyone gets out safe.”

 

 

“That’s the first smart thing you’ve said all day, kid,” Iron Man says.

 

 

Peter punches an alien in the face and sends it flying into the wall. Instantly his knuckles begin to ache, but he ignores it. He turns and he sprints into the building.

 

 

People flood past him like a tidal wave. He forces himself through the doors and steps inside.

 

 

“Hey everyone!” he shouts. “Spider-Man here! Don’t worry, everything’s gonna be just fi-”

 

 

The building shudders, making an awful creaking sound, and the ground shakes under Peter’s feet. People scream.

 

 

“The building will likely stand for only a few more minutes at most,” Karen informs Peter.

 

 

“Oh, god,” Peter mutters.

 

 

“If you don’t hurry, the people on the top floor might not make it.”

 

 

“Great.”

 

 

He swings himself up to the top floor of the building. It’s way too high for his liking- there are still people scrambling for the seemingly endless staircase.

 

 

“Not much time for the stairs!” he calls out to no one in particular. He grabs up a scoopful of struggling people and swoops down to the first floor, placing them on the ground. They run towards the exit.

 

 

Peter considers it successful. He repeats the procedure, swinging back up to the second floor. This time when he grabs an armful of people, a hand flies out and catches him in the face.

 

 

“Hey-!” Peter exclaims to the man hit him. “Could you quit moving?! I’m trying to save your life!”

 

 

The man doesn’t give an avid reply, choosing to scream instead. Peter rolls his eyes under the mask. _Rude_. And puts the people back down on the floor.

 

 

He glances up. There’s nobody else on the top floor, but there’s an old man struggling to rush down the staircase.

 

 

Peter springs himself up and scoops the man up under his arm. “I gotcha,” he says.

 

 

“You’re that Spider-Man,” the old man remarks loudly. “From YouTube!”

 

 

“Yup, that’s me.”

 

 

“Do a flip!”

 

 

“I strongly advise you do not engage in any acrobatics at this time,” says Karen.

 

“No time for that right now, buddy.” Peter lets the old man back down onto his feet and guides him towards the doors. “Hurry, get away from here, okay?”

 

 

The old man limps out the exit. Peter sighs with relief, turning his attention back up to the staircase. He steps forward into the center of the building and raises his hands to his mouth.

 

 

“Is anyone else in here?!” He calls out.

 

 

He’s met only with the distant echo of his own voice and the sound of Iron Man’s gauntlet connecting with an alien’s face.

 

 

And a ringing in his head that’s growing louder and louder and-

 

 

Peter turns just in time to get slammed in the stomach by a taser- if you could even call it that. The thing is literally twice the size of Peter’s head and sends him flying backwards into the back wall of the building.

 

 

His head slams against the wall hard- it sends waves of dizziness all throughout his skull and makes his vision blur.

 

 

“Ow,” Peter mumbles. “What was that…?”

 

 

Karen buzzes into his ear, her voice bright and chirpy. “Most likely an alien voltage weapon. Multiple contusions detected, including a minor concussion.”

 

 

“Fun,” Peter says.

 

 

“Peter, what’s going on?” Tony demands over his comm.

 

 

“Um…” Peter blinks, trying to shake the dizziness from his throbbing head. “Alien. With a gun. An alien gun.”

 

 

“Get out of there!” Tony yells. “The building’s about to collapse!”

 

 

Peter looks up numbly. The rumbling is growing louder, more prominent, and the foundation of the building under him is shaking.

 

 

_About to collapse…._

 

 

Peter’s head is aching horribly. A piece of rubble falls to the ground beside him.

 

 

_The building collapses in on him. It’s so heavy, so heavy and it forces him to the ground- something hard and rough and uncomfortable smashes onto his back, and then more of it. The breath is forced out of his lungs as the rubble piles up, each additional weight more painful and more heavy and more miserable than the last…_

 

 

Get out of there!

 

 

Peter’s breathing increases rapidly. He tries futilely to calm himself down, tugging anxiously at his hair. Strangled noises are escaping his lips.

 

 

Get out. He needs to get out. He needs- he needs-

 

 

“Is something wrong, Peter?” Karen asks. “Your heart rate is increasing rapidly. I advise you take deeper breaths.”

 

 

_He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe. It’s too tight. He can’t feel anything but pain. Everything is so dark- he can’t see anything, and he can’t move and he’s all alone- he’s going to die here-_

 

 

_He tries to take a breath, but it comes out as a pained wheeze. He’s choking on dust and smoke. He struggles, tries to shift, but his limbs are aching and useless and it’s all useless-_

 

 

_No one will find him- everything useless- he’s helpless, defenseless-_

 

 

Peter chokes. He sobs and wails-

 

 

“ _Help! Please!! Help- anybody-”_

 

 

_The darkness is devouring him whole, swallowing him up and choking him in thick shadow. He sobs and strains under the rubble. It doesn’t even budge._

 

 

_He’s all alone. He can’t breathe. He’s going to die. He’s going to die and he can’t- he can’t breathe, he can’t, he still has school tomorrow-_

 

 

A sudden weight jars him back to reality and his back arches on instinct. He wraps his body around the cold hunk of metal that’s just made contact with him- he latches onto it and tries to wrestle it off-

 

 

_The Vulture’s coming to finish him off, now- the desolate metal of his wingset is so hard and cold and-_

 

 

“Let go of me-!!” Peter screams, his voice hoarse and broken.

 

 

“Kid, calm down, it’s just me!”

 

 

Peter blinks, disoriented. The darkness dissolves from his vision.

 

 

The metal is a familiar red and gold and Peter sobs with relief, letting his body go limp around Iron Man’s suit. He realizes he’s shaking horribly.

 

 

He glances down. The building is completely collapsed and broken down on the street.

 

 

 _Somebody’s going to have to fix that,_ he thinks numbly.

 

 

The aliens are gone. Most of them, at least. There are still a few lying around the road, but they don’t appear to be alive.

 

 

Peter’s head is throbbing. He distantly wonders if _he_ killed any of them. He hopes not.

 

 

His eyelids feel too heavy. They begin to droop.

 

 

“Peter, are you with me?”

 

 

“No,” Peter says honestly, and his own raspy voice is the last thing he hears before his vision goes black.

 

 

  
-

 

 

  
_It’s so dark it’s so tight he can’t breathe he can’t see he can’t move-_

 

 

  
-

 

 

  
Peter sits bolt upright with a strangled gasp.

 

 

“ _Help_!” he shrieks.

 

 

Instantly, the sudden motion makes his head sway. He winces and hisses in pain, his hand flying to the back of his head. There’s a large bump there.

 

 

“What…?”

 

 

“Hey. You’re okay.”

 

 

Tony appears in front of him. Peter blinks and looks around. They’re in a white room, and- and Peter’s in a bed…

 

 

Karen isn’t immediately tapping into Peter’s ear to inform him on his injuries. Peter looks down at himself, wincing, and sees that he’s out of his suit, wearing Hello Kitty pajamas. Definitely a courtesy of Mr. Stark.

 

 

“What happened?” Peter asks. “The aliens, they-”

 

 

“I took care of it. Don’t worry.”

 

 

“Oh,” Peter says in a small voice. “Okay.”

 

 

There’s silence. It’s almost painful, like a heavy fog that’s hanging over them, choking the air.

 

 

Peter looks down, swallowing, and curls his fingers into the bedsheets. It’s way too comfortable for a hospital bed, which is just additional evidence that they’re in Stark Tower.

 

 

“Peter,” Tony says, and his voice is too light. “Can we… can we talk about what happened back there?”

 

 

Peter bites his lip. He doesn’t meet Tony’s eyes.

 

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Peter forces out.

 

 

“Cut the bullshit,” Tony says sharply. “You nearly gave me a heart attack, Peter. You were- you were _sobbing_ , and I kept telling you to leave the building but you were just _lying_ there like a corpse or something. Not to mention you tried to kill me when I saved your ass from that building.”

 

 

“..Didn’t… try to kill you,” Peter murmurs. “I would never _kill_ anybody..”

 

 

“Peter,” Tony says impatiently.

 

 

Peter stares at his hands. He takes a deep, shaky breath.

 

 

_No air. No space._

 

 

Peter chokes on a sob. He lifts his hands to his face. Tears are forming in his eyes.

 

 

“Oh, my god,” Tony says. “Peter, don’t- don’t cry, I don’t-”

 

 

Peter tries to stop a wail from escaping his lips, but he just ends up strangling it and making it sound arguably even worse. Tears spill down his cheeks and he wipes at them furiously.

 

 

“I- I can’t-”

“Hey, Peter, seriously. It’s not worth crying over-”

 

 

 _You don’t know that,_ Peter thinks miserably.

 

 

“I- I don’t want to talk about it,” Peter manages to say, his shoulders shaking with sobs. “I don’t want- I can’t-”

 

 

“Never mind, then! Never mind, Peter. You don’t have to talk about it- hey, hey, Peter, don’t cry,” Tony practically begs. “Peter. Spider-Man. Please stop crying, I- I don’t know how to deal with…”

 

 

“I don’t want to talk,” Peter repeats with a hiccup.

 

 

Because talking about it brings him _back_.

 

 

“Okay, okay, that’s fine,” Tony says quickly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pressed- it’s okay. I won’t say anything, okay?”

 

 

Peter nods. “I’m sorry you had to clean up after me...”

 

 

“It wasn’t a clean-up. There’s no need to be sorry about it. You did get all the civilians out of the building- there’s nothing to apologize for, okay?”

 

 

Peter nods again. He doesn’t feel like talking anymore.

 

 

“I’ll, um.” Tony shuffles away from the bed. “I’ll leave you alone for a while, okay? Give you some time to rest. You might wanna think of an excuse to tell your Aunt- I don’t want you leaving the tower until tomorrow, when your head gets better.”

 

 

Peter nods once more. Tony disappears from the room.

 

 

Peter looks to the side of his bed. There’s a small table beside him with his phone sitting, charging.

 

 

He picks it up with a shaking hand. The screen glows to life- he has a page full of notifications from May and from Ned.

 

 

He decides to go into Ned’s texts first.

 

 

 **9:45am** \- dude, where are you?? did you ditch again?

 **9:45am** \- i’m not mad or anything. that’s awesome. but you need to tell me when you go off spider-manning, ok?

 **11:03am** \- so how’s your crime-fighting going

 **11:26am** \- hope you’re getting some good ass-kicking in there

 **2:32pm** \- school just ended are you ok?

 **5:03pm** \- hey, peter?

 **5:47pm** \- may’s getting worried

 **5:48** \- so am i

 **5:51pm** \- seriously peter are you alright????

 **8:59pm** \- please be safe peter

 

 

Peter sighs and bites at his fingernails. Guilt is tugging at every fiber of his being. He types out a quick response.

 

 

to: ned

 **11:57pm** \- hey, ned. i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to worry you. i just got a bit hung out on patrol today.

 

 

Peter sends the text. He still feels a little bad that it’s such an anti-climatic message for having left Ned hanging the entire day, so he adds:

 

 

 **11:58pm** \- also i fought some aliens with tony stark today. it was awesome. i’ll tell you the details at school

 

 

Peter instantly gets a buzz back. Ned’s responses are rapidly filling the screen-

 

 

 **11:58pm** \- WHAT?!? WHAT THE HELL PETER!!

 **11:59pm** \- you’re forgiven for worrying the crap out of me today. but you better have a totally kickass story to tell tomorrow!!!

 

 

Peter laughs to himself quietly. Ned always makes him feel like Peter Parker again- Ned’s like the bridge between Peter and Spider-Man.

 

 

Peter taps on May’s conversation.

 

 

There are much less texts, but so many more missed calls. 17 of them. Peter takes a breath and closes his eyes, running an anxious hand through his hair.

 

 

May has gone through _so_ much. Peter lets his head fall back to his pillow with a huff of frustration at himself.

 

 

He can’t believe he does this to her practically every single night. It sickens him. He disgusts himself.

 

 

She’s all he has. And he’s all she has.

 

 

Peter distantly taps the call button. The phone hasn’t even finished its first ring when May picks up.

 

 

“ _Peter_?!”

 

 

Peter swallows. “Hi, Aunt May.”

 

 

“ _Oh- Oh my_ god _, Peter, what the hell are you doing?! You better have such a good explanation for this- I- I was scared to death, you weren’t at school today and nobody had seen you all day and- and there were aliens in Brooklyn today- Iron Man- I-”_

 

 

“I’m sorry,” Peter says. His voice breaks halfway through the sentence.

 

 

May pauses. Peter can hear her shaky breaths and he instantly knows she’s been crying.

 

 

“I d-didn’t mean-” Peter bites hard on his lip. “To worry you.”

 

 

“ _Where are you?_ ” May asks, and her voice has softened.

 

 

“I’m- I’m just at… the Stark Tower. With Tony. I’m, uh, spending the night.”

 

 

“ _And you’re safe? No aliens?”_

 

 

He chooses not to answer the first question. “No aliens.”

 

 

_“...Is Spider-Man there? I saw him on TV with Tony Stark today…”_

 

 

“No, no, he, um. He left.” Peter pauses and adds, “I mean, I saw him. Um. Earlier, though. He just, um, came to.. the Tower.. for a while....”

 

 

“ _Oh. Okay_.” May sniffs. “ _I love you so much, Peter. You know I just don’t want anything bad happening to you, right?”_

 

 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course, I know. I love you too.”

 

 

“ _Where were you all day?”_

 

 

“I just… I kind of got tied up. It was a really stressful day with Iron Man out and about, and it just… it gets really stressful, that’s all.”

 

 

“ _I know, sweetie_.” May sighs. “ _I know. I know how hard you work. I’m sorry.”_

 

 

“You don’t have to be. I’m sorry for- for never being around.”

 

 

May doesn’t say anything. There’s a long pause.

 

 

 _“Well, get some rest, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow_.”

 

 

“Bye, May.”

 

 

Peter doesn’t hang up. Neither does she. A long few moments pass with both of them just pressing their phones to their ears.

 

 

May’s the first to hang up. Peter slowly lets the phone drop back down to the counter.

 

 

He lies back on the mattress and lets sleep take him.

 

 

  
-

 

 

  
“ _Help!! Anybody!! Please, help me, I’m down here, I’m stuck, I can’t move- Help me, please-”_

 

 

“Peter!!”

 

 

Peter jerks awake. His hand flies out and his fist catches something hard, making solid contact.

 

 

He blinks. Tony is standing over him, holding his gauntlet out in self-defense.

 

 

The metal has a small dent in it.

 

 

“Oh, oh my god,” Peter whimpers. “I’m- I’m so sorry- I didn’t mean-”

 

 

“It’s okay,” Tony says soothingly. “Hey, don’t be sorry, okay, Peter? Everything’s just fine.”

 

 

“No, it’s not!” Peter blurts.

 

 

Tony blinks at him, looking startled. He tilts his head a bit, like he’s waiting for an explanation.

 

 

“What do you mean?” Tony asks.

 

 

“I- I don’t want to-” Peter bites his lip. “I’m sick of not talking about it anymore. It just makes it scarier.”

 

 

“What’s _it_?” Tony says with a frown.

 

 

“Mr. Stark, the reason I-”

 

 

Peter’s cut off by a small gasp of breath. His hands are shaking. He closes his eyes, his heart pounding in his chest.

 

 

“Hey. Kid.” Tony’s voice is gentle. “You don’t have to do this.”

 

 

“No, I do,” Peter says firmly. “I have to tell you. I’m tired of facing it alone.”

 

 

Tony nods approvingly. Peter takes a deep, shaky breath.

 

 

“The reason I- I freaked out today,” Peter says, “is…. well, you remember a couple of months ago? When I was fighting The Vulture?”

 

 

Tony nods. His eyes show no hint of expression.

 

 

“Well.” Peter anxiously bites at the skin around the tip of his thumb. “I, um.. At one point I was in this, this warehouse kind of building with him? And he- he tore up the ceiling where I was- where I was standing, and- and like half the building collapsed on- on top- of-”

 

 

Tony’s eyes grow suddenly soft. Peter makes a noise that cuts off his sentence. He doesn’t think he has to finish anyway- Tony’s face shows understanding.

 

 

“I- I was s-so scared,” Peter whispers. He’s shaking. He doesn’t care. “I thought- I thought I was going to die- I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t move and there was nobody to help me, I- I tried calling out but I was all alone-”

 

 

Tony’s hands are suddenly over his. Peter looks up with a choked gasp.

 

 

“Hey,” Tony says. “I get it. It’s okay. It’s over now.”

 

 

“No, it’s not,” Peter says. He shakes his head furiously. “It’s not. It will never be over- every time I try to sleep-”

 

 

“Listen to me, Peter. It won’t happen again-”

 

 

“It _shouldn’t_ have happened in the first place!” Peter explodes. “I was- I was all alone- you weren’t even there- I would’ve _died_ and nobody would’ve known. And it’s because _you_ took my suit away-! It wouldn’t have happened if you- if you j-just-!”

 

 

Tony squeezes Peter’s hands.

 

 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m so sorry, Peter. I didn’t- I didn’t know something like that would happen to you. I thought I was protecting you.”

 

 

“No,” Peter mumbles. “No, it’s not your fault. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I just- I needed somebody to blame it on. I don’t blame you at all. Please don’t apologize.”

 

 

Peter watches Tony intensely. Tony’s face contorts just a bit, and Peter can tell he’s fighting off the urge to apologize hard.

 

 

Finally, Tony just lets out a soft huff of breath.

 

 

“If you won’t let me say sorry,” Tony says, “can I at least say that… I think it really _sucked_ , what you went through? And that you will never, ever have to face it alone again.”

 

 

Peter nods fiercely. Tony pulls Peter into a warm embrace and Peter lets his head rest against Tony’s chest. Tony’s hand ruffles the back of Peter’s head, his fingers careful around the still-throbbing bump. Peter’s still trembling.

 

 

But Tony’s here and Tony will keep him safe. Peter’s not alone anymore. And the next time he calls out for help he knows there’ll be someone right by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!!!! please leave a nice comment they make my entire lifetime  
> oh and i forgot to mention // this is really late so probably no one will even see this anymore whoops but my tumblr is too-many-bees so if ya wanna talk or ask me something!!


End file.
